Release

Fan fiction, poetry, and lore. No adult content, please.

Release

Postby Dragon Wench » Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:03 pm

Context
I wrote this quite a long time ago, and looking at it now I find myself cringing at significant chunks, much is self-indulgent and the description is over the top. So at some point I may do a rewrite.
The piece has its origins in a coalescing of several different influences. In 2001 my family and I were staying in a privately owned beach house (long story....) on Ambergris Caye in Belize.
One day, it was especially hot and humid in the way it can only become in more tropical climes. The morning dawned clear, but not long after dark thunderheads began to build. By evening, the air had taken on such density I could practically touch it. Once night fell... it was like walking through a sauna of swirling satin steam.
I could not sleep, and when I heard the thunder, I just had to go down to the water and experience it. Of course, looking back on it now, I realise just how very foolish that was, but.. it is one of those somewhat risky things I have done that I would do again if the chance arose.

Another inspiration for this piece was Emile Zola's novel, "La Faute de L'Abbe Mouret" (The sin of Father Mouret). Zola, was attempting to do in literature what his friend, and contemporary, Paul Cezanne, had achieved in his painting. Namely, to treat the blank page like a canvas... Well, amongst other things ;)




Release

Clouds gathered against torrid warmth; even entering the shimmering expanse of ocean brought no relief. Shade offered by dripping, luxuriant foliage only accentuated a rising temperature and climbing humidity....

Tashara, sheathed by a patina of sweat, gazed upwards at deep azure edged by thunderheads of mottled grey. The day had an endless quality... Restless, she let out a breath, only to replace it with yet another gulp of moisture-laden air.

After countless hours, the sun began its slow descent.... transforming blackened cumulus into a blazing celestial amphitheatre.....

Shadows deepened... darkness encroaching upon light... offering sanctuary and blessed respite.

She closed her eyes.... allowing nocturne's silken strands to cleanse her of daytime's sullied touch.

The night drew her deeper and deeper into it's satin embrace.... and almost against her will... she began to succumb. Gliding, she moved towards the translucent veil enfolding the bed... Lifting aside the sheet she slid in... anticipating Morpheus' waiting arms.

Yet.. despite her aching need.... she was denied.

Then..... like the murmur of a lover's breath... a breeze shifted across the length of her body... caressing bare skin.... soothing unarticulated longings..

A sudden flash illuminated the surrounding pitch... scarcely discernible thunder announced its approach across heaving ocean swells, and swaying, whispering palms.

Compelled, Tashara eased from the clinging sheet, and parted her translucent shroud. Eager, she sped past hushed shadows and over mahogany boards. Impatient, she flung open the door.... racing towards the shoreline where surf and sand ceaselessly played out their timeless dance... Forever reaching... forever coalescing.... never becoming one....



Kneeling upon yielding sand she gazed outwards. The breeze had become stronger and fine strands of hair alternately twirled about her face and brushed against unclothed shoulders...

Overhead, a silver lunar glow flickered... partly concealed...

Tashara stirred... her fingers traced patterns in silken sand... wind tugged at her hair. Once more she stood... her body tensed... waiting...

Above... blackness covered all....

The wind quickened yet again. In an instant lightening forked... tearing asunder consuming darkness. She caught her breath...

Her pulse hastened... palm fronds hissed and sighed... Sudden wet stung her back... Tashara shivered.

Then... waiting thunder shuddered through velvet air.... Unknown whispers faded to nothing.... submitting to the power that had emerged in their midst....

Beneath her earth and sand convulsed... water swirled sweeping upwards... reaching... Once more, lightening arced, and thunder followed. Tashara raised her head towards a ragged, velvet canopy ... allowing swollen rain drops to cascade over fevered brow and trembling body. The deluge, with increasing force, washed over quivering, clammy skin... offering absolution...

Awareness heightened... she shivered... Rain cascaded in rivulets... coursing over curved valleys and dampened skin. Tashara lifted her arms upwards.... exposing every nerve, every fibre... every pore... allowing the thundering torrent entry to aching and hidden depths....

Palm fronds whispered and moaned..... Thunder reverberated within its satin mantle.....Lightening erupted... discharging radiant bursts into exultant skies ...rain lamented its timeless refrain....

Tashara cried out into enfolding darkness.....

Transcending.....
Becoming.....
Being.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe:
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion;
I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate.
All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain.
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Re: Release

Postby neildarkstar » Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:18 pm

Oh, I do like that... It's yours, of course to do with as you will, but I see no need for a rewrite, personally...

:biggrin:
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." - Movie "Flypaper"
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Re: Release

Postby DARoot » Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:20 pm

Echo Neildarkstar!
Well Done!
:biggrin:
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Re: Release

Postby Dragon Wench » Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:26 pm

Thanks guys, glad you like it :)
Maybe not a rewrite, though I do see some tweaking here and there, there are definitely sentences that jump out at as as needing a bit of work.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe:
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion;
I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate.
All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain.
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Re: Release

Postby DARoot » Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:34 pm

But never forget --
The Title is just FABULOUS -- "Release"
:hubba:
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Re: Release

Postby Dragon Wench » Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:38 pm

DARoot wrote:But never forget --
The Title is just FABULOUS -- "Release"
:hubba:
DARoot


*grin* Oh no fear... I have no intention of altering that... After all, I'm sure we all know that feeling before a.... full-fledged thunderstorm... :D
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe:
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion;
I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate.
All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain.
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Dragon Wench
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Posts: 204
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Location: skirting the edges of clarity
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Re: Release

Postby DARoot » Thu Feb 09, 2012 8:01 pm

And, if you are lucky, "the earth moves" ...
["At the end, of the storm, there's a golden dawn..."]
Oh, don't listen to me ....
:hubba:
DARoot
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Re: Release

Postby MadocMayhem » Thu Feb 09, 2012 8:40 pm

Love it, some touch ups are always going to be wanted.. Mmm turned into the Duck that sentence.
Just be careful not to alter the flow, you have a short focused tale, a single character at the elements.
Be careful any editing can shift it far away from what you desired otherwise with work like that.

As for the embracing a thunder storm, still do that.
Would love it to be a beautiful island or coastal area, it's not though, but every storm I feel compelled to go out and experience the wind, the rain, the noise.
Won, to, free, eye sore a monk key on a tire.
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Re: Release

Postby Dragon Wench » Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:20 pm

@MadocMayhem,
I really love thunderstorms and whenever I've had the chance I've immersed myself in them as much as I can. The above story though (a fictionalised account of something that happened) is probably the most immersed I have ever been. I was probably crazy going to water in a storm of that magnitude... but it was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had, and I don't regret it for an instant.


OK.... I have made some subtle edits, there were a few things that were bothering me. Please let me know if this works and if the flow is still there. ;)

Release

Clouds gathered against torrid warmth; even entering the shimmering expanse of ocean brought no relief. Shade offered by dripping, luxuriant foliage only accentuated a rising temperature and climbing humidity....

Tashara, sheathed by a patina of sweat, gazed upwards at deep azure edged by thunderheads of mottled grey. The day had an endless quality... Restless, she let out a breath, only to replace it with yet another gulp of moisture-laden air.

After countless hours, the sun began its slow descent.... transforming blackened cumulus into a blazing celestial amphitheatre.....

Shadows deepened... darkness encroaching upon light... offering sanctuary and blessed respite.

She closed her eyes.... allowing nocturne's silken strands to cleanse her of cerulean taint.

The night drew her deeper and deeper into it's satin embrace.... and almost against her will... she began to succumb. Gliding, she moved towards the translucent veil enfolding the bed... Lifting aside the sheet she slid in... anticipating Morpheus' waiting arms.

Yet.. despite her aching need.... she was denied.

Then..... like the murmur of a lover's breath... a breeze shifted across the length of her body... caressing bare skin.... soothing unarticulated longings..

A sudden flash illuminated the surrounding pitch... scarcely discernible thunder announced its approach across heaving ocean swells, and swaying, whispering palms.

Compelled, Tashara eased from the clinging sheet, and parted her translucent shroud. Eager, she sped past hushed shadows and over mahogany boards. Impatient, she flung open the door.... racing towards the shoreline where surf and sand ceaselessly played out their eternal dance... Forever reaching... forever coalescing.... never becoming one....



Kneeling upon yielding sand she gazed outwards. The breeze had become stronger and fine strands of hair alternately twirled about her face and brushed against unclothed shoulders...

Overhead, a silver lunar glow flickered... partly concealed...

Tashara stirred... her fingers traced patterns in silken sand... wind tugged at her hair. Once more she stood... her body tensed... waiting...

Above... blackness covered all....

The wind quickened yet again. In an instant lightening forked... tearing asunder consuming darkness. She caught her breath...

Her pulse hastened... palm fronds hissed and sighed... Sudden wet stung her back... Tashara shivered.

Then... waiting thunder shuddered through velvet air.... Unknown whispers faded to nothing.... submitting to the power that had emerged in their midst....

Beneath her earth and sand convulsed... water swirled sweeping upwards... reaching... Once more, lightening arced, and thunder followed. Tashara raised her head towards a ragged, velvet canopy ... allowing swollen rain drops to cascade over fevered brow and trembling body. The deluge, with increasing force, washed over quivering skin... offering absolution...

Awareness heightened... she shivered... Rain cascaded in rivulets... coursing over curved valleys and molten chasms. Tashara lifted her arms upwards.... exposing every nerve, every fibre... every pore... allowing the thundering torrent entry to aching and hidden depths....

Palm fronds whispered and moaned..... Thunder reverberated within its satin mantle.....Lightening erupted... discharging radiant bursts into exultant skies ...rain lamented its timeless refrain....

Tashara cried out into enfolding darkness.....

Transcending.....
Becoming.....
Being.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe:
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion;
I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate.
All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain.
User avatar
Dragon Wench
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Re: Release

Postby neildarkstar » Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:40 pm

It still works fine. "cerulean taint" brings a more subjective image to mind, but nothing wrong with that...

:biggrin:
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." - Movie "Flypaper"
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