The Demon, Bob

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The Demon, Bob

Postby neildarkstar » Sat Jun 30, 2012 12:46 pm

The Demon, Bob
by Neildarkstar

Mark watched with no small degree of fascination as the demon blew the head off a mug of dark beer. He was tall, perhaps near seven feet, and sported a fine set of curly horns that added a few inches of height before twisting around to extend forward for their final foot. One would have thought that such an individual would attract attention in a local pizza parlor, but that didn't seem to be the case.

Happy families went about the business of devouring helpless pizzas without so much as a glance toward the demon.

With a small sigh, Mark then turned his attention to the globe of shining crystal that sat on the table between them, and considered how fate had brought him to this strange juncture.

Seven long years earlier, Mark had been cursed by a witch after cheating her out of her family estate in a real estate deal. Seven days after the deed was done, she had cornered him in a bathroom stall at his favorite bar and handed him what looked like a cheap Taiwanese snow globe.

Her face was lit with hatred, anger, and an emotion that seemed almost like elation as she thrust it upon him saying "Handle this carefully, it holds the souls of your wife and children." He'd snorted with derision, but then looked into the ball and saw a vision of his family lying each on their own altar and unmoving as though dead. Still, he had thought it some trick, but after returning home he found his wife and children to be strange to him.

His wife had loved gardening, but now she just sat in a lawn chair watching her roses die, and his children went through the motions of living, but in a lackluster fashion that belied any sense of happiness in them.

After years of fruitlessly seeking an answer, he had arranged to summon a demon who was said to have a cure for even the strongest of curses... for a price.

Mark had wondered that the demon insisted on meeting him at a small neighborhood pizzeria but could find no reason to object... so here they were.

Eventually the demon turned his attention to Mark, saying "Okay, let's get down to business. You know that there is a quid pro quot, that nothing of value is ever free or easily obtained, right? So, if you value my services, you will have to pay for them. Are you prepared to rent me your soul?"

Taking a moment to digest the ramifications of this statement, Mark didn't immediately answer. He had certainly been prepared to pay a price, but "rent" his soul?

"Don't you mean "sell" my soul?"

Bob merely looked a bit annoyed and, frowning, responded. "It's always the same, I always have to give an explanation to the simplest of questions. Alright then, listen up, I dislike having to repeat myself."

He frowned as he took a small taste of the beer, and went on. "First, let me start with my name. A name properly used is a complete description of who and what the true nature of the bearer is. I doubt you could handle that, so, since I like the sound of "Bob" and you may as well call me by that name. Next, let me explain the nature of demons.

Contrary to popular belief, we are perfect in all aspects but one. We have no soul. What in Hell could be as difficult as being tall, muscular, and sporting a fine set of horns, if you can't appreciate it? You see, without a soul, a being is a creature of pure logic. We can appreciate the pleasure of sex, but cannot understand the imperatives of love. I can taste this beer, but the taste brings no pleasure or satisfaction.

Preachers talk of demons administering sadistic cruelties and punishments throughout eternity, but they don't take into account the simple fact that giving punishment provides no pleasure. Imagine spending eternity engaged in a pastime that brings neither pleasure nor reward, nor any other emotional response? Sounds like Hell, doesn't it?

So, long ago, we figured out a way to use a mortal soul to gain a feeling of, well, feelings... Like corrective lenses help a nearsighted individual, your soul can be used to allow me to feel things in the same manner as you would. Also, I can trade the soul within the limits of our agreement, and such dealings equate to wealth among demon-kind.

The fact is that your soul ultimately belongs to you, and no agreement we could make could change that simple fact. Sooner or later, ownership would revert to you, so why should I buy what I can't keep?

Here's my offer. I end your curse, and you let me use your soul for a period of seven years, beginning immediately. What do you say?"

Mark thought about it for a moment, but since he had already decided to pay the price whatever it was before this meeting started, he soon agreed.

Bob held out his hand, and Mark shook it. As the handshake ended, Bob reached out and knocked the crystal ball off of the table. Mark watched in horror as it fell to the floor and shattered with a spray of crystalline dust that vanished in mid-air.

Mark leaped to his feet, crying out "What have you done?"

Bob smiled and with a chuckle said "I broke the curse, just as you wanted." He took a huge gulp of dark beer, and picked up a piece of pepperoni pizza that had seemed to miraculously appear on the table.

"All you ever had to do was break the damned thing. It's not rocket science after all." Biting a chunk out of the slice of pizza and grinning hugely, he went on.

"You know, you mortals complicate everything you touch. I suppose it's because you can't see the Truth, but it's really such a waste."

Mark began to settle down, as he realized that even if the demon had destroyed his wife and children, it wasn't like it was anything he cared about... He could always remarry, and besides there was the life insurance to consider.

"He looked askance at Bob. 'So what do you mean we can't see the truth?"

Bob swallowed more beer ad pizza with obvious relish, and replied "You live in Hell. This world you see all around you is damnation, but you can't see it. You fear death because you don't realize it's a pardon from Hell that may allow you to leave... or not...

Think about it. Why is it that the best-loved foods like hamburgers, candy, and super-sized colas are all bad for your health, while things you can't bear to swallow are supposedly good for you? Why is it that weeds grow twice as fast and are harder to kill than any desirable plant in your lawn or garden? Why is it that among the rich and famous celebrities, drug abuse and alcoholism are rampant? It's that way because this is Hell, and it's not meant to be enjoyed."

Bob paused to release a truly demonic belch that sounded like thunder and stank of brimstone, then smiled contentedly and went on.

"Consider this. It's been said that Hell is the absence of God, and if God is an absolute and total Truth, then Hell is place where the Truth is not.

Hey! There is a Book of Truth, did you know that? Would you like to see it?"

Again Mark was taken aback by the flood of information, but decided that such a Book would be worth seeing, and quickly replied affirmatively.

Bob made some arcane gestures, and a podium on which a large book sat appeared beside the table. Bob wiped the pizza from his hands, and handed the book to Mark.

Reverently, Mark turned the cover, and discovered that the first page was written in a language he did not understand. He turned through the pages rapidly, and finally came to a page that he could understand.
The page read "Karma will get you."

Puzzled, Mark looked quizzically at his companion. "Why can I only read a few pages?"

Bob smiled, and offered a brief explanation... "You can only read the Truths that you have learned from your own experiences. That is because real truths are relative, and so are different for each individual."

Releasing another long pleasurable belch, he added "It looks like you have a lot to learn..." Another bite of pizza, and he offered a parting comment before vanishing in a cloud of smoke.

"Such is the Way of Things..."
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." - Movie "Flypaper"
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Re: The Demon, Bob

Postby fleet » Sat Jun 30, 2012 4:53 pm

I don't usually read long posts, but I read and enjoyed this one. :biggrin:
Why? I like big ones, that's why.
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Re: The Demon, Bob

Postby neildarkstar » Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:54 pm

Glad you liked it!
:)
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." - Movie "Flypaper"
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Re: The Demon, Bob

Postby Jac » Sat Jun 30, 2012 8:58 pm

fleet wrote:I don't usually read long posts, but I read and enjoyed this one. :biggrin:


:whispering: You should read your job description again, Fleet. :writing:

I liked this one, Neil. Good job. :goodjob:
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Re: The Demon, Bob

Postby tealpanda » Sun Jul 01, 2012 10:40 am

I like your story.

I thought this was going to have to do with the Dresden files (where there is also a "demon" Bob), but surprises are always fun.
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Re: The Demon, Bob

Postby neildarkstar » Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:43 am

Thanks guys, Its good to get a comment now and then...

I'm afraid I don't have any idea what the Dresden files are, I named the demon "Bob" as a joke to my youngest daughter who has a thing for all things Bob. Just hearing the name makes her laugh...
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." - Movie "Flypaper"
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Re: The Demon, Bob

Postby DARoot » Mon Jul 02, 2012 8:07 am

From The Dresden Files --

"Oh, it's you, Bob ..."

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Re: The Demon, Bob

Postby Nhog » Sun Nov 10, 2013 2:59 am

I'm late, getting to this, but man do I love reading the mad stuff you write.
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Re: The Demon, Bob

Postby neildarkstar » Sun Nov 10, 2013 5:47 am

Glad you liked it, Nhog.
:)
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." - Movie "Flypaper"
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