Is it so odd?

Delicate thoughts of a dangerous mind.

Re: Is it so odd?

Postby neildarkstar » Wed Dec 31, 2014 5:48 pm

Somehow it always leaves me amazed when I read other people's house rules... I don't really see a "right" or "wrong" to the situation, but I always try to see how such rules would work in my own life. Generally, I have to admit that they wouldn't work at all, as I noted above. My children are all grown and out on their own, but we had very few rules when they were at home.

My children were raised to be respectful, and they understood completely that a bar of soap and a leather belt might have more than one purpose if they got too big for their britches. I was never real big on saying "don't do this" or "Don't do that", instead I usually just gave a simple warning that the consequences of their actions could be dire. The result was that my children listen fairly closely when I say anything.

Warm weather always meant the doors were open so who answers the door was kind of moot... not to mention when you have bikers and their ol ladies coming and going at all hours, and two out of three even knock if the door's shut, there really isn't much structure regarding who answers the door or the phone. Back then when the kids were home we rarely had a phone, and now there is no house phone, only cell phones (I only answer my Ol' Lady's phone when she asks me to). Going to bars or anyplace else? Well, since at least half of my business is conducted at night in bars, and under conditions that often are not conducive to bringing anyone along (including the wifey) a rule against bar hopping wouldn't make much sense. My wife and I have an understanding... we are not owned, we come and go as we please, and talk to whoever we want whenever we want. Nothing else will work for a variety of reasons. The only real requirement is honesty, because in such a situation any lack of trust would be catastrophic. In the end, if we aren't trustworthy when we aren't together, we just plain aren't trustworthy, and we may as well call it quits.

I DID get in trouble once when I went out for a pack of smokes and didn't get back for two days... (turned out I had to go to Montana before I could head back to the house).

Oh, there is one house rule... every winter the bike comes in the house for a rebuild if I don't have a garage, and I usually ride it in. Thou shalt not bitch about the two-wheeled love seat in a corner of the living room... :biggrin: I'll never forget the look on my wife's face when the house started rumbling and shaking, and she saw those custom custom headlights coming down the hall...
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Re: Is it so odd?

Postby Elaura » Wed Dec 31, 2014 8:58 pm

You have to admit, Neil, not everyone lives quite the easy rider life you have. On the other hand, you probably have some rules the rest of us don't, things like, "Don't ask me what I had to do in Montana for two days."

However, I suppose our rules kind of lead the reader down the primrose path a bit. You see, our rules aren't to bind us, they are meant to bind those who have some reason to enter our lives. Something of a failsafe when people don't get why the members of our household aren't at their beck and call 24/7. I'm not worried about Jac getting phonecalls and emails from old girlfriends, but I don't mind being his reason not to talk to them if he doesn't want to. I'm sure you know how persistent some people can be and there's no reason to hurt someone's feelings by telling them the real reason you don't want to talk is the same reason you broke up in the first place . . . they are not worth your time.

As it is, I don't go anywhere without him anyway and he prefers not to run errands alone, so it would be pretty hard for one of us to find ourselves alone with someone who isn't family, but it's easier to give someone a hard and fast rule than to explain my private health issues to an acquaintance who is wondering why my husband is always with me.

Maybe our rules are odd in this day and age, but we also have very close friends and family to whom they don't apply. You know, the kind of people who would never dream of taking advantage of our hospitality in the first place?

Different worlds, I guess. I can imagine turning away a fellow member of your club, or his ol' lady, would be frowned upon and you could easily take them in hand if they "needed you" a bit too often. On the other hand, I'm sure you can imagine in the whitebread world, it isn't acceptable to show up on the doorstep of some guy on your bowling team with a gunshot wound and not expect him to call the police. It's also a bit delicate getting rid of a relative who has over-stayed their welcome.

There are exceptions, though; there are always exceptions.

EDIT: soap, I love learning about other people's perspectives as well. Their personal cultures, even more then their society's. We had the same rules about doors, phones and being home alone growing up. My dad worked undercover in law enforcement and we had no illusions about how dangerous the world was. Though we kids didn't know it, his undercover work often overlapped with our life and those basic rules had more than one reason behind them. We even had a special ring for when our folks were out. They'd let it ring twice, hang up, and call back and we'd know to answer the phone. Dad always went around locking doors and windows at night.
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Re: Is it so odd?

Postby neildarkstar » Wed Dec 31, 2014 9:27 pm

I didn't mean to come off as critical of you guys and your choices, apologies if I did. It's just when I try to put myself in such a picture, things get a little... odd.

On the bright side, I've never had a relative overstay their welcome. In fact, they usually don't show up at all, and can't wait to leave if they do. :biggrin: For some reason, it's generally accepted that me and mine will show up to overstay at THEIR house instead. In all the years of my life in this particular lifestyle choice, I guess I've had only one guy who made such a nuisance of himself that I had to toss his sorry butt out the door. Really, it was his ol'lady that got them kicked out though. She decided my wife and kids should be her personal servants. I guess I should say that's one of my personal house rules that I hadn't thought of. If you're at my house, you're not going to get treated as a guest, which can have its down side. You're expected to do and provide for yourself, as well as help with household chores... Maybe that''s one reason people don't generally abuse the privilege by overstaying, eh?
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Re: Is it so odd?

Postby Mr.Shadow1234 » Sat Jan 24, 2015 11:49 am

Well, Neil, that sounds like the life I lead. growing up, I had the complete trust of both of my parents. I never had censorship over the TV, the Internet, or books, and the same rules apply to my brother. My mother, and my father, always say, that one should try a little of everything. But they'll have to decide what to swallow and what to digest. My dad is a law abiding biker and a businessman, I am an ex-merc/ex-govt. agent and a biker, my mother writes, my girlfriend is pursuing a B.Sc and photography course and my brother is the crazy guy quoting Hamlet in the back. Once my mother told me that she knew about my coke habit, and she told me that it made her feel bad. I never really was addicted, and gave up my habit. Except for Morphine at the hospital and painkillers to help the pain. I have a bit of alcohol sometimes, mostly wine and a cigar monthly.

Me and my brother have always got nothing but trust from our parents, and we both respect that trust. Another thing he has, and I had, growing up, is that whenever we ask our parents something, we get the complete truth, no lies. We have no rules for answering doors or phones, just two, that I'd like to mention here-

1. Don't expect my usual kindness and good manners if you call me in the middle of the night, infact, DON'T call me in the middle of the night.

2. If you ever disrespect/ take advantage of my family or treat them like your personal slave, you don't want to know what will happen to you, lets just say that it involves a knife and your face.

3. If you harm my family, I'll track you to the literal Oblivion, and I'll kill you very, very slowly and very painfully.

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